The past several days, since that maintenance, EVERY PAGE takes 5-10 minutes to load, or they load not at all. *shakes fist.* I have a paid account. The monkeys are lying.

Methinks the cookie server is busted. GAH.

The more I'm on the internet the lower my opinion of the human race in general gets.

Hmm....

I cannot seem to get my day together without coffee. For some reason, the past several days have included this scenario: I get up, get dressed, deal with the boys, and ... forget to make my coffee. Until about 3 pm when I start to wonder why I feel so crappy, forgetful, scattered and just can't get it together.

I need my coffee to remember to do stuff on my to do list. And I keep forgetting to make it or drink it.

I think I need a sign somewhere that says "Make some coffee!" Like in the bathroom.

Sigh. Well, I have it NOW.

We liked our neighbors.

They are the parents of FX's best friend. He's sad she's gone.

We have lived next to them for 2 and a half years.

They got transferred to another base. On the other side of the country.

The fact that it's inevitable doesn't make it any easier.

I miss them.

I was one of the folks who was waiting on a bag from Monkey Toes designs on etsy when she died.

Apparently (why am I always late to the gossip table?), last January, she was outed as still being alive.

I had even emailed with her about how I was having to save up to get the bag, and we were in a bit of a financial rough spot (this was 2 years ago).

I feel really, really super used and dirty. And betrayed. On so many levels.

I don't know what to think.

At least it was only about 30 bucks.

Counting days apart in hundreds.

It is hard.

That is all.

Even knowing where my husband is, I cannot look away from the news coverage of casualties and horror. As much as it scares me to do so, I feel like I have no choice but to bear witness to the reports as they come in. To share the burden of the reality of it as much as I can, as if it will reduce the weight of that news for someone else.

My fears are not the only fears. My hopes are not the only hopes.

I wish it didn't have to be like this for anyone.

Anyone else watching this? I find it kind of charmingly cheesy and only slightly irritating.

"How To Increase Smeen Production? 44 Crucial Steps New Power Plants To Run Onn hCicken Droppings"

All one spam...

A meme from maricelt (by way of frualeydis:
1. Anyone who looks at this entry please post this meme and their current wallpaper at their LiveJournal.
2. Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper.
3. Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on.

Mine is this:
http://www.antipixel.com/blog/archives/2006/08/15/yakushima_forest.html

It's beautiful, and green and alive. I don't really have five sentences.

I miss him. After all this time, five years of marriage, seven years together, two children, all manner of ups and downs, I am still deeply, deeply in love with my man.

I wish there was some way I could tell him today and have it get there in less than three weeks. Well, I can do that much, so into a letter it goes.

From the one voted Most Likely to Eat Her Own Young.

I got a phonecall from him today. We got to talk fro almost 15 minutes.

We talked about his care packages and the kids and how I can't sleep in our bed without piling blankets and pillows on his side of it and other mundane things. For a second it was like an ordinary day and we were just bsing and it was so nice.

And now it's been a few minutes since I hung up and ...

I miss him SO MUCH.

Can we be done with this kind of crap now? Everywhere there are people going on about "THEY are ruining things!!! THEY scare me. THEY are weird!" With "THEY" being whatever group the speakers are fearful of: gays, guys on motorcycles, people with different skin colors or religions or languages, people who eat lots of garlic, people who live in another town, women, men, children, people with strange fashion sense, police, whatever.

I have this to say about that: People are people and some of them suck or have irritating personal habits or cultural differences that seem weird, but FFS, don't equate individual people with everyone of a given group. That's stupid, childish and reveals a lack of abstract thought or the willingness to put effort toward using abstract thought.

It's the personal-interaction equivalent of not understanding why there's nobody behind the mirror making faces back at you. Make the effort. Let go of the blame, drop the scandalized attitude. You are not cavemen. Evolve a little.

...but it still hates me.

It's a big chunk, that "done" part, but not big enough.

Frak you, Donut of Misery.

... and it hates me.

That is all.

The kids Would Have None Of That. Sigh.

Oh well, I tried, and they followed me around turning everything on again.

Our president has fangirls. O_<

I have no idea how I feel about that.

I got a phonecall today.

Wow.

I'm floored and happy and I think I can ride on this high for a week.

But I still cried after he hung up.

Last night, the man who wasn't my grandfather died. We were not related much at all, but he, his wife, and my mother had been great friends for a long time, and they regarded her as a supplementary daughter.

We were the only grandchildren they had, me and my siblings, and then I had kids and they had some great grandkids. And we sent pictures and talked on the phone with them.

It's been a long time coming, this. He's been too sick to visit for years, adn sick for much, much longer than that. They kept fending off his cancer until he wore out.

My kids never met him, but they got to hear his wonderful voice.

I wish my husband had gotten to meet him. I miss his stories. I will always miss his stories. Wonderful stories.

Goodbye, papa J. My tears are all for selfish reasons because I really feel the world is less without you in it. And that's not fair.